Harness the Power of Your Metaphors!

It is has been said, “there are two things that you can count on in life, death and taxes.”  In my case, there’s one more and that would be visiting Kristy’s grandmother, lovingly called Gnin in Cantonese every weekend in Monterey Park, California, where everything is in Chinese and a tall white guy always seems a bit out of place.

Gnin is going on 90 now, and if that weren’t enough of a reason to see her every week, she’s a real hoot, cute as a dumpling, speaks very little English and is brutally honest. She loves anything sweet and reminds Kristy and I on a continual basis that she’d like to see us pop out a baby soon.  Fortunately for us, Kristy’s brother just had a boy so that should take a little bit of the pressure off for now.

Without fail, as if programmed into our genes like a pair of migrating African Lovebirds, Kristy and I get up early every weekend, regardless of our desperate need for sleep, in an attempt to beat the LA traffic, see Grandma and take advantage of the breakfast specials at one of the thousand Chinese restaurants in Monterey Park.  Last weekend was no exception, but this time something quite remarkable happened.

Jumping on the 101 South from Hollywood, we were pleasantly surprised, if not shocked, to find very little traffic.  But as we turned the bend through the heart of downtown we could see across the divide the 101 North, our usual route back home, was already bumper-to-bumper.

As if Kristy could read my mind, which I think she can at times when she’s not hungry, she uttered,  “Wow! That looks like a parking lot.”

“Yes it does.”  I replied.

“Maybe we’ll have to take the streets back.” She said.

“Maybe.  Hopefully it will clear up by the time we head back.” I replied trying to sound optimistic.

Continuing on our way unimpeded and with a constant view of the opposing traffic, I couldn’t help but notice how easily it was for both of us to see the opposing traffic as a parking lot and something bad.  The mood in the car immediately changed from a joyful “to grandmother’s house we go” to a sobering “Crap!  Look at that traffic.”

Wanting my joy back, I began to wonder if I could perhaps see it another way, choose another metaphor, throw the parking lot out and replace it with something more positive.

Searching for the positive, I began to see the traffic as an opportunity for people to relax, slow down, listen to good music, spend more quality time with each other and do a little sight-seeing.  I began to see each car as an oasis for meditation and personal reflection, a chance to learn a foreign language or finally reset the clock on the dash.  I saw symmetry and cooperation as each car edged ever so slightly forward.  I even saw it as a piece of contemporary art.

Sharing my thoughts aloud as we passed this beautiful still life entitled “Cars on a Highway,” we both began to laugh and the mood once again returned to joy. Gone was the negative metaphor we both shared, replaced by a plethora of positive ones.  Traffic would never look the same way again.

*******

The power of a metaphor, much like a 90-year-old grandmother, should never be underestimated.  A single metaphor, much like a single comment from a loved one, has the power to bring us down and stop us in our tracks or raise us up to a world of unlimited possibilities.  Fortunately, we have power over the metaphors we use.

Whenever I notice myself using a metaphor, I ask myself “Is this a meta-for or a met-against?”  If I feel good and empowered by it, I call it a ‘meta-for’ and make a mental note that it’s a keeper and available for use at any time in the future.  But if I notice any negativity around a metaphor I have just used, I call it a ‘met-against,’ let it go and set an intention to replace it with something positive and empowering.

While this may seem all too simple, I assure you it works and it’s fun, not to mention it keeps me from thinking about those two other things I can inevitably count on, death and taxes.

Copyright 2010 Rob Gruber, M.A. Life Mastery Coach

Love Without Reason

One of my earliest memories of unconditional love occurred in the spring of 1975. I was six. My four sisters and I were huddled around the television in the family room watching Saturday morning cartoons when my father poked his head in and said with a big smile on his face, “Turn the TV off and come into the living room. Your mom’s got a surprise for you.”

Hearing the word surprise, we all jumped up and ran into the living room. But as we turned the corner, we were stopped in our tracks by the sight of our mother sitting in a chair at the other end of the room with a stack of beautifully wrapped presents at her feet.

Frozen and fixed on our mother’s every move, we waited in anticipation for what would come next. Without any delay or explanation, she proceeded to call out all our names, oldest to youngest, and presented us each with a gift.

When my name was called, I ran to my mother’s side, thanked her for the gift and plopped down on the floor right in front of her. To my delight, I found something I had always wanted, a collection of plastic dinosaurs, caves and cavemen.

Consumed by my gift, I was a bit oblivious to what my sisters received. But what I wasn’t oblivious to was the fact that it wasn’t a holiday, someone’s birthday or special occasion. It was just an ordinary day. Curious to the reason for our gifts, I went to my mother and asked, “Mom, I really like my present. I really do, more than anything, but I was wondering. Why did I get a present today? It’s not like it’s my birthday or anything like that?”

She smiled a smile only a loving mother could smile and playfully replied, “Just because.”

My curiosity not satisfied, I asked, “Because of what?”

“No reason. No reason at all. Just because.” She said with that same smile.

“You mean you gave us all presents just because, for no reason at all?” I asked.

“That’s right.” She replied with joy. “Now go and play with your dinosaurs.”

And play I did well into the night.

As I laid in bed that night with a dinosaur in each hand, thinking about this extraordinary day, I couldn’t help but come to the realization that it was possible for me, a six-year old boy, to love and be loved “just because,” for “no reason at all.”

Now as a man, deeply and positively affected by my early childhood revelation, I have come to the conclusion through much trial and error that it is not only possible to love without reason, but it is, in fact, the only way to love.

Rob Gruber

Life Mastery Coach

Copyright 2009

Live by a Greater How!

At the wide-eyed age of twenty, well before the Internet and armed with only a telephone book and rotary phone, I purchased my first airline ticket to fly across the country to begin interviewing for jobs after college.

Never having bought a plane ticket, I wrote down everything I thought I could possibly say or be asked.  Just when I thought I had it all under control, the young lady on the other end of the line asked me the one question I had never thought of.  “How would I like to fly?”

“I’m sorry.” I replied. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Would you like to fly first class or coach?” She clarified.

“Oh! I didn’t even know I had a choice.  What’s the difference?” I asked.

As she explained the seating options and the price difference for each class, the decision was quite easy for a young college student on a budget.  I chose coach.

As I hung up the phone, pleased with my first ticket buying experience, I couldn’t help but notice that there was a greater unanswered how.  That “Greater How” was the manner, quality, state or way I could choose to be and experience myself as I traveled.

Considering the “Greater How,” I opened my journal and wrote at the top of the page, “How would I like to travel?”  Within seconds, I wrote down the words effortlessly and joyfully, then comfortably and playfully.  Gratitude, appreciation and enthusiasm soon followed, along with wonder and curiosity.  Last but not least, I wrote safely.

On the day of my flight, with my “Greater How” asked and answered, I packed a few of my favorite snacks, a good book, a neck pillow, sleep mask and a couple compilations tapes for my cassette player.  Settling into my window seat, I knew I was flying in a class all my own.

*****

How would you like to travel through your life?  How would you like to experience yourself as you go about your life?  Could you consider the possibility that you can choose how you wish to experience life?

Copyright 2009 Rob Gruber

Present Life Mastery Coach

The Frequency of Love

While waiting for a friend in the arrival area of the Tom Bradley International Terminal at LAX, I noticed a young Korean woman pulling a large cart of luggage.  As she passed customs, she found an empty seat right across from me.

Just before she was about to sit, she pulled out from one of her bags the most adorable, fluffy, brown poodle that licked her profusely as she lovingly spoke to it in Korean.

As she sat down, she placed her little dog on the ground and opened a magazine.  Completely taken by this magnificent creature, I leaned over, reached out my hand and attempted to call it over to me.  Instead of rushing over, he just cocked his head and looked at me as if I were speaking another language.

Then it dawned on me that I was speaking English and he understood Korean.   Wanting to connect to this little bundle of joy, I dug deep into my memory for the few Korean words I learned years ago living in New York City and asked it to come, but still nothing.

Its owner, hearing me speak Korean, looked up from her magazine, smiled and politely complemented me on my Korean.  She explained that Louis was shy and didn’t usually respond well to strangers.

As we both continued to wait for our respective parties, it occurred to me that perhaps it wasn’t Korean that Louis was responded to.  Perhaps it was the love he felt coming from his owner.  And if that were true, I asked myself,  “Would Louis respond simply to my love?”

To test my hypothesis, I closed my eyes and focused on the most loving thing I could think of.  As I held that thought, I began to feel my love grow.  When I felt I could no longer contain my own love, I imagined sending all that love to Louis.

When I opened my eyes, I no longer felt the need for him to come to me.  I felt only love.   Ironically, it was at that very moment he walked right over to me. I reached down and he began licking my hand like we were the best of friends.

Witnessing this, the young woman exclaimed, “Wow!  How did you do that?”

I smiled and said, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Please,” she said. “I’ve never seen him do this before.”

“I imagined something I love with all my heart and when my heart was full, I imagined sending all of that love to him.” I replied.

“I see.  That’s good.”   She replied, “That makes sense.  He’s a rescue dog and he responds best to love.”

“As I imagine we all do.” I replied.

Copyright 2009 Rob Gruber

Present Life Mastery Coach

See the Fundamental Similarities in All of Us

While stopped at a traffic light at a busy intersection in the city of Los Angeles on a late Saturday night, a young bearded man wearing a blue flannel shirt walked between the stopped cars holding a sign that read, “Please help me.” Walking up to the right side of my car, I rolled down my window and handed him a few dollars. Thanking me, he turned to the truck to my right. As he turn and looked into the truck, he stopped in his tracks.

For what seemed to be a frozen moment in time, the two men locked eyes and recognized the uncanny resemblance they had to each other, down to the very same blue flannel shirt. The young bearded man in the truck, seeing this young man that could be his twin asking for help, rolled down his window, reached into his wallet and handed him a large wad of cash.

The young homeless man, taken aback by such a generous gift, tried to give the money back, but the young man in the truck insisted he keep it.  As the homeless man finally accepted the generous gift, the light turned green. They quickly shook hands and the young bearded man in the truck drove off into the endless sea of traffic.

The three of us were changed forever.

*******

If you came upon a stranger that looked exactly like you needing assistance, would you help? I imagine you would. I know I would. I would find it hard to turn down a reflection of myself.

But now imagine that a complete stranger that looks nothing like you asks for help.  What would you do? I know you already know your answer. But before you commit to that answer, imagine taking a second to see all the fundamentally similarities you share with this imagined stranger.

From this place of fundamental similarities, would you be more inclined to help?

Now imagine that you practiced this in your everyday life. How would your life be different if you began today to first recognize all your fundamental similarities with everyone you encountered you before you recognized your differences?

I can tell you that if you can master this, seeing the fundamental similarities first, you may never get around to seeing the differences.

With Love,
Rob Gruber

Present Life Mastery Coach
Copyright 2009 Rob Gruber

Three of my Favorite Words! “No Assembly Required”

One of my the fondest childhood lessons did not come from a book,teacher or class, but rather from my mother in the toy aisle at Kmart at the age of five.

Being one of five, Mom had little time for nonsense.   So on the rare occasion when we did make it to the store, which was almost always the local Kmart, the superstore of its time, we were expected to stick to her like glue.  Which, we did of course.

Knowing the floor plan of Kmart like the palm of her hand, she had the ability to get in and out of there more often than not without ever passing the toy aisle.  But on the rare occasion that she had a moment to spare, she would surprise us and let us roam the toy aisle for a minute or two.

In those brief moments of exploration, we did what kids do.  We went crazy.  Looking, exploring, playing, dreaming and if we felt Mom was in the mood, presenting her with a toy she could perhaps give “the nod” to take home.

Rarely did we get “the nod.”  But over the years and through trial and error, we did figure out how to increase our odds.  The toy generally had to consist of three things. First and foremost, it had to be reasonable priced (read into this on sale). Second, it had to be creative or promote growth.  And third, it had to contain the words “No Assembly Required.”

We picked up on the first two criteria pretty quickly. “On sale” and “good for you” were part of our family vocabulary.  But the third criteria, “No Assembly Required” took some time to figure out.

I discovered her third rule after giving her a toy for consideration. As I watched her go through the steps: On sale? Check. Good for me? Check, I caught her reading to herself, “No Assembly Required.”  She then turned the box back over, looked at the front again, looked me in the eye, smiled and gave me the Nod.

Excited, I hugged her and thanked her.

Beaming as I held my toy, waiting for my sisters to pick out something for consideration, I asked.  “What does “No Assembly Required” mean?”

Smiling she said, “It means you don’t have to put it together.  You can open it up and play with it right now.  It’s whole. It’s perfect just the way it is.  Just like you.”

“Just like me?” I thought to myself. “Mom just said I was perfect like a really cool toy. Oh my God, I could explode with joy!”

Not knowing how to respond to her affirmation of my worth or even knowing what an affirmation was at the time, I hugged her and thanked her again and then realized I had to tell my sisters what I just discovered.  Running through the toy aisles I whispered to each of them, “It has to say, “No Assembly Required” on it. It has to be whole and perfect just like us!”

And to this day, on the rare occasion that I do go shopping, I often find myself taking a second to walk through the toy aisle and turn over a box or two to read three of my favorite words, “No Assembly Required.”

Your life may be fuller than you’ll ever know!

Every summer as a child, my father would take the whole family to my Aunt’s house in the country for an all-day bar-b-que.  I remember those days like they were yesterday, not because of the wonderful times we had there, which we did, but rather because of the stomachaches I always got from eating way too much.

Despite my mother’s ever-watchful eye and her constant reminder not to over do it, I always found a way to sneak back to the buffet table for a yet another little taste of bar-b-que heaven.  As the day progressed and my sneaking continued, I did what I had done so many times before, I ate my way to a stomachache. An ache so painful, I could only ease it by lying face down, motionless on a picnic bench for the rest of the night.

It took me three years of family reunions to learn my lesson, but I learned it well and remained ever mindful of the need for moderation.

While I always wondered how I could be perfectly fine one minute and then all of the sudden painfully full the next.  I found out much later in life that it takes about twenty minutes for the stomach to signal the brain that it is full. More plainly put, it takes twenty minute for me to realize I was full, in which time I continued to stuff my face, resulting in one memorable stomachache.

Realizing the mind is a step behind the stomach I began to wonder.   If it takes twenty minutes to realize I my stomach is full how long does it take to realize that my life is full. Could it be that my life is full now and I have yet to realize it?

Not knowing how to measure this since my mind is a step behind.  I decided to look back at my life, not through memories, but through old photos I had of myself.  It was here I found the proof I was looking for.

In each and every picture, from the perspective of this present moment, I can honestly say my life was fuller than I was consciously aware of at the time.  I was, in a word, full and never fully knew it.

I realize this is a completely subjective test. But it has made me a firm believer that my life is and always will be much fuller than I am able to realize.

Copyright Rob Gruber 2009

Present Life Mastery Coach

Unbridled Permission

On a cool summer morning, at the impressionable age of six, I joined the swim team at the neighborhood pool. Decked out in my new warm-up suit, Speedo and goggles, I was ready to go.

When Coach Thomas blew his whistle and hollered, “Let’s go guys, let’s get in there and warm up.” I tore off my warm-up suit, put on my goggles and ran across the deck of the pool to dive in. But just as I was about to make my first big dive, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, my fellow teammates had barely even moved.

A bit confused and not wanting to look silly, I slowed down and nonchalantly walked back to my original position, waving my arms back and forth as to make it look like this was all part of my warm-up.

As I stood there swinging my arms with my goggles still on, waiting for what felt like an eternity for my fellow teammates to get moving, Coach Thomas, seeing my excitement, came up from behind, placed his enormous hands on my small shoulders and said with a gentle nudge, “Go get’em Tiger. Show them how it’s done.” Without skipping a beat, I ran across the deck, dove in to the frigid water and swam my heart out.

At the end of practice, while attempting to warm myself up from a mild case of hypothermia, Coach Thomas, walked over to me and said, “You did good kid. Real good.”Before I could say anything, he turned and walked away. But then, all of the sudden, he turned back around and said. “Oh Yeah, and kid? You don’t need my permission to get in that pool and swim. You got that?”

“Yes, Sir.” I answered through shivering teeth.

“Good.” he said, turning and walking away.

From that day on I was the first one in and the last one out of the pool each and every practice. In no time at all, I became and remained one of the best in the league in my age group.

Looking back over the years, I often wondered why I didn’t excel in everything I endeavored like I did swimming. And then it occurred to me a few years back, the missing ingredient was unbridled permission. Coach Thomas, perhaps unknowingly, gave me the incredible gift of unbridled permission by making it clear I didn’t need his to swim my heart out.

I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize his words applied to anything I wanted in my life. But I am glad I finally realized I don’t need anyone else’s permission to live my heart’s desires.

And while I don’t need anyone else’s permission, I do need my own. To remedy that, I crafted a bunch of permission slips I write to myself that say this. I, (I fill in my name), give myself permission to (whatever I wish to be, do, have, create or experience) with all my heart and soul. After I have written my permission slip out, I read it to myself often and carry it with me wherever I go. It has made all the difference in the world.

Copyright Rob Gruber 2009
Present Life Mastery Coach

If I were Love…Imagine, Ask and Be

Searching for my keys as I was running late for a red-eye flight home to see my mother before her surgery, I did something I had never done before.  Instead of panicking and asking, “Where are my keys?” over and over again until I turned my home upside down,  I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and asked, “If I were my keys where would I be?”

As I opened my eyes, I was immediately drawn to a piece of luggage I had already checked twice before.  But this time, without hesitation, I reached into my bag and pulled out my keys as if I actually knew where they were the whole time, just in time to catch my flight.

Settling in for my flight, I couldn’t help but think about the powerful connection I had felt to my keys.  But as the flight progressed, I began to wonder what else I could possibly connect to.  In my wondering, I thought about everything I ever loved.  But to my surprise, the only thing that stuck out in my mind was not a “thing” at all, but rather love itself.

So, in the early morning hours, cruising at about 30,000 feet, surrounded by a sea of slumbering souls, I closed my eyes, imagined and asked, “If I were Love, where would I be?”

With my eyes still closed and my right hand on my chest, I felt my heart burst open and reply, “Here…Here I am…I am Here…I am Love!”

Being Love, I asked and answered.
“How shall I love?  Unconditionally.
When shall I love? Now. The only time that is.
Who would I love?  Myself, everyone and everything that is.
Why would I love? Because Love is all I am and Love is all there is.”

And as the plane made its descent, I opened my eyes to a brand new world.  A world filled with Love.  A world filled with You.

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber Present Life Mastery Coach

iwishicouldtellyou

Accept … Love

The phone rang.  It was my sister, 3000 miles away, telling me that our mother was rushed to the hospital.  As she shared with me the news of her condition, I hung on her every word.   But as soon as I hung up, my emotions overtook me.  I wanted it to be different.  I wanted everything to be different, and the more I wanted it to be different, the more I suffered.

Realizing I was the maker of my own suffering, a suffering that was of no service to my mother or myself, I did the one thing I hoped I would never have to do. I accepted the fact that my mother was in need of critical care and I could do nothing to change that fact in this very moment.

As I slowly moved into acceptance, the most remarkable thing happened.  My emotions gently subsided and I became present once again.  In my newly found present state, I was not only able accept what was happening in the moment but was also able to consider what could be in the next.  I did this by asking myself a very simple but powerful question. “Accepting what is, what is the most loving thing I could do now?”

Before I could even finish asking the question, the answer came forth from deep within my heart.  “Go to her! Love her!  Be there for her!  Now!” And within minutes I was booked on the next available flight home.

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber

Present Life Mastery Coach

Imagine Love

“If I were to imagine only one thing today, it would be love.”

Imagine Love Exercise

1. Find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably and not be disturbed. Close your eyes and relax.

2. Imagine you are standing in front of someone you love with all your heart.

3. Now imagine you have the ability to express your love by giving them a gift, something they have always wanted. *

4. Imagine what you would love to give them. *

5. Choose how you would love to give them that gift. *

6. Give your gift exactly the way you imagined giving it. *

7. When you feel your giving is complete, focus once again on your breathing, gently opening your eyes when you are ready.

*Take your time with this step. You’re only limited by your imagination. The more you do this exercise the more loving and fun it will become.

Imagine Self-Love Exercise

After you feel you have mastered the Imagine Love Exercise, modify the exercise by replacing “someone you love with all your heart” in step 2 with “yourself.” Follow the remaining steps with you as the giver and receiver of your loving gift.

In essence, you are imagining yourself loving yourself with all your heart while giving yourself something you have always wanted.

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber Present Life Mastery Coach

Go for the Gold – “Love Yourself”

One of the most remarkable characteristics of gold is its ability to be forged into almost anything without breaking. Applying this same principle to The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would want done unto you,” I created a few new rules from the same vein.

The first two, and my favorite, are The Golden Rules of Self-Honoring (or Self-Love), designed for those souls that always seem to put everyone else before themselves. They are the following.

“Love yourself the way you wish to be loved.”

And

“Allow others to love you the way you wished to be loved.”

Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of these rules, they are powerful.

Some additional Self-Honoring Exercises you may enjoy include:

Breathe in Love

1. Find a comfortable place to relax, Imagining your breath is nothing but love.
2. Inhale, imagine being filled with light and love
3. Exhale, imagine that same light and love going out into the world.
4. Repeat for as long as you wish.

Recite your New Golden Rules as Affirmations

“I love My Self the way I wish to be loved.”

And,

“I allow others to love me the way I wished to be loved.”

Take Time for Self-Honoring Inquiries

“What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?”

and/or,

“How could I be a little more loving to myself right now?”

Create a Self-Honoring To-do List

Write down at least two ways you will love (take care of) yourself today.

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber Present Life Mastery Coach

iwishicouldtellyou

Decide and Live Your Dream

“The moment you decide to pursue your dream is the moment you begin to live it.” -gruberism

On a recent trip back to Ohio, while visiting my sister Pat and her family, Eli, the youngest of her three boys ran up to me and asked if I would go fish’n with him. Looking out the window and seeing the sun gently set, I replied, “Not tonight, it’s getting dark. How about we go fishing tomorrow?” Excited by my answer, he ran off to tell his brothers.

As the night progressed, I couldn’t help but notice that Eli seemed a little happier than usual. Curious, I playfully asked, “Hey buddy, what are so happy about?”

He replied with joy, “I’m fish’n.”

“Not tonight. It’s way too late. Tomorrow we’ll go down to the pond and fish.” I replied.

Looking up at me like I just didn’t get it, he lovingly explained, “Fish’n don’t start at the pond, Silly. Fish’n starts when you decide you’re gonna fish. And we decided.”

Humbled by his insight, I smiled and conceded, “You got me there kid.”

In my nephew’s wise little head, he began fish’n the moment it was decided. He continued fish’n, as he went to bed, as he woke up and as walked around the pond to his favorite spot. He was even fish’n as he reeled in a clump of algae. And if you were ask him what he was doing as he walked home from the pond that day, he would tell you he was still fish’n, because he knew that walking back home was just as much a part of fish’n as catching the big one.

An Inquiry

What are your dreams?
Have you decided to experience/pursue/live any of them yet?
If so, are you allowing yourself to enjoy each every step along the way?
If you haven’t yet, can you now begin to see how all those little steps are part of your dream?

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber

Present Life Mastery Coach

i wish i could tell you

The Door is Open! – Part I – A Story of Unconditional Love

Just after supper, the day before I was to leave my childhood home of Cincinnati, Ohio for the bright lights of New York City, I sat with my father on our front porch admiring his perfectly manicured lawn.

Just as the sun was about to set, my father humbly said, “I have a little something for you.”

Before I could say anything, he placed in my hands a beautiful clay sculpture of a Garden Pagoda, an Asian-styled gazebo, a symbol of our mutual love for gardening. Seeing the emotion that was coming over me, he lovingly added, “Do you see that? The door is open.”

Speechless, I nodded.

“These doors will always be open to you.” He said, not being able to hold back the tears. “You will always be welcomed home.”

“Thanks Dad!” I said, tearing up as well as I hugged him as tight as I could. “I love you, Pop!”

“I love you too Son.” He said hugging me back.

If you were to ask me to describe unconditional love to you I believe I would begin here…(to be continued)

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber

Leverage Your Strengths

A few years back, I fell and injured my lower back. After a year of traditonal medicine, I was told there was little else they could do to aid my recovery.

On my final visit, still in great pain, my doctor offered me one last glimmer of hope by saying, “You know, there have been a few recent studies that have shown significant improvement in patients that worked soley on strengthening the muscles around the injury that were strong, leaving the injured area completely alone, allowing it to heal in it’s own good time.”

Long story short, I followed his advice, focusing on solely on strengthening those muscles which were strong and surrounded the injury, and within a short period of time, I was able to significnatly increase the strength of my back and reduce my pain and suffering. Three years later, I can honestly say I am stronger now than I’ve ever been and am living a pain-free life.
___________________________________

Could this be the beginning of a new paradigm for healing and growth?

Could we as a society learn to grow and/or heal ourselves by focusing on, nurturing and leveraging those areas of our mind and body that are already strong?

An inquiry.

What strengths could you focus on, nurture and leverage today to begin living the life you’ve always wanted?

Copyright 208 Rob Gruber

Perspective – Seeing Through the Eyes of a Child

While assisting a local preschool program for children in an economically challenged area, I had the rare opportunity to see through eyes of a child that had so little but saw so much.

It happened on their lunch break. That day, I was in charge of handing out small, brown-bag lunches to ensure they would each have a least eat one nutritious meal that day.

As all the children carefully emptied the contents of their bags, I noticed one boy ever-so-gently pull out an orange, lift it to the light of the window and exclaim, “Wow! This is the most beautiful orange I have ever seen.” He then turned to me, holding his orange with both hands to his chest, and said “Thank you! Thank You!”

Taken aback by his gratitude, I was barely able to muster up the words, “You’re welcome.” My heart felt as if it was about to explode. I can honestly say I had never experienced such a genuine expression of gratitude and joy before in my life.

As I regained my composure, I noticed he didn’t eat his orange. Instead, he wrapped it with a paper towel and put in his backpack.

Curious to know why he didn’t eat his beautiful orange, I asked him why.

Looking me straight in the eye, he replied, “I love my grandmother very, very much and I know she has never seen an orange as beautiful as this one. So, I will bring it home to her and we will share it together.”

I can honestly say that I have never looked at an orange or a small child the same way since.

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber

Awaken Your Inspiration!

Within all of us lies something quite magical, loving and uniquely our own, we need merely to awaken it!

About five years ago, I picked up a magazine featuring a series of articles on some of the world’s most creative minds. Just as I was finishing the last article, it occurred to me. All of them had one thing in common. They all had their own very unique way of getting their inspirations out of their heads and into the world in a moment’s notice. One designer went so far as to resurface his workspace with a blackboard type material.

Inspired by his genius, I decided to cover the walls of my workspace with artfully hung, clusters of dry erase boards. I cannot begin to describe the sense of freedom and assurance I have felt since the moment I hung my first board. Over the years, I have filled my boards with anything from gibberish and doodles to bouts of inspiration that have profoundly changed the way I look at and love my life.

You too can Awaken Your Inspiration!

1. Open up your journal and write a love letter to your inspiration, inviting it to take a more active part along your path of growth.

2. Develop a way to take notes and record what your inspiration is telling you throughout your day. When I’m not in my workspace, I carry a pen and pad.

3. Schedule a time to meet with your inspiration each day. The morning works best for me. Find a quiet space, close your eyes, relax your breathing and imagine your inspiration coming forth in anyway it feels comfortable. Once you feel it is present, have a conversation with it. When you are finished speaking with it, thank it for coming and invite it to visit or stay with you throughout your day. (I’ve also had a great deal of success working with my inspiration, when I am doing things that require little thought, like washing the dishes or brushing my teeth.)

4. Listen to the many subtle and loving cues you are receiving from your alignment with your inspiration.

“Wisdon that remains in the mind as an idea, rather than being incorporated into the tapestry of who we are, cannot change us.”
– Joan Borysenko, Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Answer

Copyright 2008
Rob Gruber Life Mastery Coach

Interested in being coached toward a life of Self-Mastery?
Email me at rob@iwishicouldtellyou.com!

Run Barefoot on the Grass!

If I were to ask you to finish the statement, “The grass is always greener,” you would mostly likely answer “on the other side of the fence.” Am I right?

Now, how did I know that? Could it be that I, like you, have accepted this seemingly harmless idiom as true, made it a part of my belief system, and am now able to rattle it off whenever called to do so? Well, yeah. That’s exactly how I did it.

Unfortunately, this widely accepted idiom is wrong. The grass, a metaphor for life, is not, nor ever will be, greener on the other side. “The grass is always greener under your feet.”

The reason I say this is because the grass you are standing on is where you are now, and where you are now is where you are able to grow, love and experience life.

That grass on the other side can’t offer that. It is but a reflection of light we have been misled to believe is greater that us and that is simply not true. Making it, in my opinion, a lighter shade of green.

So run barefoot on the grass and know that it’s always greener under your feet.

______________________

A Present Moment Exercise – Questioning Beliefs

1. Monitor your thoughts and language throughout the week.
2. Catch yourself when you begin to express beliefs that require little thought or effort to express.
3. Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:
Did I create this belief or was it given to me by society?
Is it true or false?
If it’s false, could I create a new, better and more loving belief to replace the old one?

I realize questioning your beliefs may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but I assure “an unexamined idiom is not worth living.” gruberism

Expansion – A Present Moment Exercise and Game

Expansion is a present moment exercise in the form of a single-player game where you, the player, cannot lose!

Working off the premise that what you focus on expands, the object of the game is to reside in the present as much as possible by increasing your awareness of it.

The Rules.

1. Begin by creating a strip of three connected boxes labeled Past, Present and Future respectively. (As shown below.)

2. Throughout your day, on the hour or half-hour and whenever you feel a shift of awareness, record where you just were in that moment by placing a check in the box it applies to.

3. At the end of the day tally up your scores.

4. Divide the total number of check marks in each section with the total of check marks for the three sections combined to get a percentage score for each box.

5. Adjust the size of your boxes in length according to their percentages for the next day. For those of you who are into graphs, your favorite spreadsheet program’s graphs can be a fun way to do this.  (At first, your present moment box may be quite small. That is perfectly natural and expected, being present is not something most of us consciously aspire to be, but once become aware the power of your present moments your score will significantly increase.)

6. The goal, of course, is to increase your present moment score each time you play.

Supplemental Exercises

1. Journal what you are discovering about being present.

2. Visualize, each morning,  your “present” section expanding and becoming a significant portion of your day.

A Special Note to Hard-Core Gamers:

Do not judge, reward or punish yourself for your scores! Simply become aware of the quality of your life as you become more and more present.

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber
Present Life Mastery Coach

Interested in being coached toward a life of Self-Mastery?
Email me at rob@iwishicouldtellyou.com!

Reside in the Present!

If you were to ask a Realtor, “What are the three most important factors in determining the best place to live? He would reply without batting an eye, “location, location, location.”

Imagining the past, present and future as places you could reside, this tried and true answer could just as well be applied to the question of time.

Expanding on the Real Estate metaphor, the chart below highlights a few of the amenities you may consider important to you and where they can be found.

I realize a few of these factors will reference the past or future but the actual action or process takes place in the present.

So, where would you wish to reside?

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber
Present Life Mastery Coach
i wish i could tell you

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Interested in being coached toward a life of Self-Mastery?
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You are Greater Than You Think!

Experience your greatness!

Journal the answer to the following questions.
Who am I?
and
How am I feeling?

If you’re like most people, you answered the questions with a series of “I ams.” And while this is all very well and good, it is not as true as you may think.

Why? The word “am,” recognized as “you in the present,” also implies “equal to,” as in I am this or I am that. And while I will not argue that you are in someway that which you claim to be, I would argue that you are so much more than you calim to be.

To get better idea of this, try adding a little perspective to your proclamations by substituting your absolute “I ams” from your journaling exercise with the following relative “I ams.”

I am greater than my _________
I am more than my ___________
I am simply experiencing ____________ (this aspect of myself.)
I am so much more than my ____________
I am ___________ and more.
I am currently _______________ and so much more.
I am currently feeling _________

Coming full-circle, realizing  what is true for you is true for others, consider the idea of perceiving others in their greatness.

You are greater than your ___________
You are so more than your __________
You are simply experiencing ____________ (this aspect of yourself.)
You are so much more than your ____________
You are ___________ and more
You are currently _______________
You are currently feeling _________

Can you feel the difference? The absolute “I am” is a bit stagnate, but the relative “I am” and “You are” is fluid and expansive like the ever changing present moment.

Now I realize you won’t be speaking this way this to others, because that’s just not how our society currently communicates, but once you begin to accept and practice the idea of “greater than-ness”, you will begin to see the world in a whole new light.

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber
Present Life Mastery Coach
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Your Thoughts Are Like Snowflakes

“Your thoughts are like snowflakes, no two are the same.” – gruberism

Let me prove it to you. Have a thought, any thought. Now, think that thought again. Was it the same thought?

I would argue that it wasn’t. I would argue that you have created a copy of the original thought and that copy is not the original.

To make this even more clear. Try thinking that very same thought again.

Congratulations, you have just created a copy of the copy of the original thought.

The following is a visual of the process:

“Original Thought”
“Copy of “Original Thought””
“Copy of “Copy of “Original Thought”””
“Copy of “Copy of “Copy of “Original Thought””””

But why can’t they be he same?

The Source and Conditions are Constantly Changing.

• Your original thought came from an original source and unique conditions.
• The first copy of that thought came from the output of the original source and new conditions and not the original source or conditions.
• The second copy came out of the first copy’s output, an entirely new source and set of conditions.

What seems like the same thought is simply similar. I call this line of thought, Thematic Thinking.

Thematic Thinking is powerful. It can lead you into a present state, along a road to a bright future or down a dead end.

Once you are aware of your nature/ability to think thematically, you can begin to make more powerful and conscious choices to create the life you wish.

Thematic Inquiries

What themes are running through my life right now?
Which themes have not been of service to me?
What themes would I rather have running through my life?
What themes would bring me the most joy in my life?

Thematic Journaling Exercise

1. At the top of a page, write down this question. “What themes would I like to have running through my life?”
2. Write anything and everything you could possibly wish to experience.
3. Stay on each thought until you feel you have exhausted the theme or are drawn to an even more fulfilling theme.
4. Do this for as long as you please.

Do you have a theme you wish to share?

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber Present Life Mastery Coach

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Interested in being coached toward a life of Self-Mastery?
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Claim your Presence in “The iwicty Registry”

Hello Folks,

Today I would like to announce a new collaborative page called The iwicty Registry.

It is here you will be able to claim your very presence in the here and now!

Simply click on the folder tab above marked “The iwicty Registry” and sign the registry.

Carpe Praesentium!

Sincerely,

Rob Gruber

Copyright 2008 Rob Gruber

Present Life Mastery Coach

i wish i could tell you

Seize the Present!

The expression Carpe Diem, “seize the day”, has always held wonderful connotations for me. I love the intention. Just saying it aloud makes my heart beat a bit faster. But more often than not, the idea of seizing a whole day leaves me a bit overwhelmed.

So, to remedy this situation, I did what most of us would do when presented with a task that appears too large. I broke it down.

My first inclination was to seize the moment, “Carpe Momentum.” Then I realized I wasn’t being specific enough, because I found myself on many occasions dwelling on a past moment or getting caught up in a future thought.

Then it dawned on me that what I really wanted to seize was the present, or Carpe Praesentium. The moment I set my intention to “Carpe Praesentium,” I immediately woke up, as if from a dream. Everything around me became clear. My feeling of overwhelm was replaced by a sense of peace and wholeness with everything around me. It is here, and only here, I wish to reside.

Carpe Praesentium!

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber  Life Coach

i wish i could tell you

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Create an Affirmational Commitment!

This is an excerpt from a children’s book I am writing.

“We all have a path, a path all our own.
And when it is time, it makes itself known.
If I had just told you, you would not have heard.
You would have just laughed, and then thought me absurd.”

I am sharing this with you as part of a process I have been working on with my coach to create what I call an Affirmational Commitment to complete a book I am writing.

An Affirmational Commitment is a statement that is set in the present that declares an intention to complete or experience a desired goal in an affirmative way.

The Process
1. State what you wish to experience in the future.
2. Declare that you will experience it.
3. Set a time by which you will experience it.
4. Bring your declaration into the present by shifting from “I will _______” to “I am _______ing”
5. Now, describe the nature of how you wish to experience the process using powerful adverbs. This is not a step-by-step “how to” approach but a description of the overall action or experience along the way.

My Affirmational Commitment

1. I wish to write and complete a book. (Imagining in detail what it feels like to complete a book)
2. I will complete the writing of my book.
3. I will complete the writing of my book by December 31st, 2007.
4. I am effortlessly and enthusiastically completing the writing of my book by December 31st, 2007.

Once the affirmational commitment is created, refer to it as often as possible. Let it become a part of you. Let it sink into you very being.

You will notice that I don’t get lost in the step-by-step details of how I am going to complete the writing of my book.

A Confession
I don’t know exactly how I am going to do this.

The Truth
I don’t need to know exactly how. The how will reveal itself along the way, that’s how “hows” work.

An Inquiry
What if a commitment is not met?

An Answer
There is learning and growth in everything. If I don’t meet my commitment, then there is something very valuable to experience, learn and grow from.

“Remember it’s the journey not the destination. Without destinations we will never begin our journeys. There is nothing wrong with changing course. Sometimes that is the wisest and most courageous thing to do.” – Gruberism

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Co-Active Coach

i wish i could tell you

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

I was having a wonderful conversation with a colleague over coffee about coffee, something we both dearly love and attempt to give up from time to time, when she shared with me something quite profound. With sincerity and joy, she looked me in the eye and said, “I’ve spent the last thirty years of my life playing around with my coffee, only to find I like it best black.”

I chuckled and replied. “Congratulations.” We raised our cups to each other, sipped our selective brews and then I respectfully inquired. “Why’d it take so long?”

She sincerely replied. “Social Conditioning. I was taught from a very early age to always want more and never be satisfied, that the status quo was “a status no.” On my quest for the perfect cup, I have ordered every drink on every menu and modified them whenever I could, priding myself on being high maintenance. When I couldn’t get them to modify it, I added sugar, cinnamon, or nutmeg. You name it. I did it. I was never satisfied, until last week, when a coworker of mine went on a coffee run for the office and mistakenly handed me the wrong cup. I took a sip of what I thought was my coffee and, to my surprise, found exactly what I was looking for all those years, a simple cup of hot, black coffee.”

“All that from a cup of coffee?” I asked.

“All that and more,” she proclaimed. “Realizing my quest for the perfect cup was just the tip of the iceberg. I took a personal inventory of all my predominant thoughts and discovered that many of my resistant thoughts were given to me by society. Wanting to live my own life and have my own unique thoughts, I now make a conscious effort to stay present, listen to my heart and see things for what they truly are instead of how others have led me to see them, recreating myself in each and every moment. I thought it would be hard, but once I got into it, I couldn’t stop. Now, I can’t imagine living any other way.”

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Co-Active Life and Wisdom Coach
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Live a Life of Ease. Choose Your Path of Least Resistance.

When I first moved to New York City, I did what most artists do. I sublet an apartment. In the first three years, I moved a total of 6 times until I found the neighborhood I would eventually call home, Hell’s Kitchen.

The first couple of moves were effortless. I packed up my duffel bag and hopped on the subway. But by the sixth and final move, I had to borrow a buddy’s truck.

When I pulled up to my new place, I was filled with excitement. But by the second climb up the four flights of stairs with my arms full, I began to question if I really needed any of this stuff.

About halfway through the move, a kid that was sitting on the stoop watching me move, spoke up and said. “You know you don’t have to take the stairs, right?”

“How else am I going to get all that stuff up there?” I asked.

“There’s an old elevator way in the back.” He said. “It’s real scary, but it works. My mom won’t let me use it, but the old man on the third floor does when he buys groceries.”

“Really? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I asked.

“I thought you knew, but then I thought maybe you didn’t,” he replied.

Embarrassed but grateful, I thanked the kid, patted him on the back and moved the rest of my stuff into my new place.

The kid was right, that was one scary elevator, and I never used it after that day.

I lived there for three wonderful years. When I did move, I packed up two duffel bags and gave the rest away, making my next move effortless once again.

______________________________________________

“You don’t have to take the stairs.” – Gruberism

I believe that many of us take “the stairs of life” when we don’t have to.

What do I mean by “the stairs of life?”

“The stairs of life” is the hard way. The belief that we must toil, suffer and sacrifice to acquire, accomplish and deserve what we want.

I am here to tell you that you don’t have to take the stairs of life. There is an easier way, a path of least resistance that is uniquely yours.

You will begin to realize this once you begin asking yourself this very simple question.
What would be the easiest way for me to accomplish this goal?

Here are a few additional suggestions that may help you along your path.

1. Stay present, focused and positive.
2. Recognize your ability to create a path of least resistance.
3. Consider any and all possibilities, asking “what if” questions.
4. Leverage your strengths, talents and skills.
4. Utilize every aid that becomes available to you.
5. Ask for help, from the universe and others.
6. Continually monitor and adjust your thoughts, emotions and actions toward ease.
7. Be open to adjust or change your path when it no longer serves you.

if you like this blog, you may also like Let Go to Grow.

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Life Coach

iwishicouldtellyou.com i wish i could tell you

End Rejection Now!

“Life is a Selection Process, not a Rejection Process.” – Gruberism

When you woke up today, did you think to yourself, “I’m going to reject my way to what I want?” At the restaurant you last ate at, did you purposely reject everything on the menu before you chose what you wanted? Of course not, that’s not what you do.

You, by your very nature, are a selector of things, not a rejecter of things. From the day you were born to the day you die, you will actively select, not reject, those things you believe are best for you.

And while you are out in the world making your selections, the rest of the world is doing the same thing, selecting, not rejecting, things they think will bring them happiness.

With all this selecting going on, where is that stinging rejection? It’s not there, because it never took place. It couldn’t because we were all too busy selecting our next greatest thing.

Then what is that awful feeling we call rejection? It’s your ego, kicking and screaming, wanting to get its own way and feeling threatened when it doesn’t. Your ego wants to have its cake and eat it too by not only controlling your selections but the selections of others.

And while I’ll acknowledge that the ego is only doing what it thinks is best, it doesn’t serve you in this situation. Because the ego can’t control anything outside itself and when it attempts to do so and fails, you experience the pain we call rejection.

To stop the pain of rejection, we must recognize the following:

1.We are, by our very nature, a selector of things not a rejecter of things.
2.Nothing, including you, is ever actively rejected, but rather simply not selected.
3.We can’t control the selections of others.
4. Any need or attempt to control another can lead to great pain.

To stay in a state of natural selection:

1.Celebrate your ability to freely select what you believe is right for you.
2.Allow others to freely select what they believe is right for them.
3.When you feel the ego creeping in, take control of your situation and remind yourself that rejection is only a state of mind, a state you have control over.

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Life Coach

iwishicouldtellyou.com i wish i could tell you

If enjoyed this blog you may also enjoy, Achieve Perfection by Redefining Perfect.

The Secret and Powerful Gift within the Insult or Critique

Recently, an artistic colleague of mine did something quite remarkable and courageous. He had an idea, developed a plan, executed it faithfully and invited the critics. I call this remarkable because rarely do our ideas get past the idea stage, and courageous, because he invited the critics.

I salute him for that. Unfortunately the critics did not.

No, the critics were not kind. The pen was mightier than the sword that day. A sword would have been swifter and less messy.

While it is a shame the critics were so ruthless, there is a powerful lesson to be learned here. That lesson is that there is a gift within each and every insult or critique. That gift is the gift of attention upon you.

When someone critiques you or insults you, from your performance to your hair style, they have just made, in that moment, their entire world about you. You have become their focus. You have become the center of their universe.

To better understand this, I have created “The Time-line of an Insult or Critique.”

1. Somehow you got their attention. (Often unknowingly and unsolicited)
2. You then held their attention.
3. They then decide to formulate a response in their mind about you.
4. They think and rethink about you, refining their response.
5. They often share their thoughts about you with others, further refining their response.
6. They see you and determine whether to actually respond or not.
7. They respond to you.
8. They wait for your reaction.

Knowing what you know now, could you possibly react differently the next time you are insulted by someone that has just made you the center of their universe?

When I’m insulted or criticized in a nonconstructive way, I often smile and reply. “Thank you for noticing.” And do you know what? Most of the time I mean it.

If you liked this blog you may also like Peace of Mind is Closer than You Think and Visually Sculpt the Life You Want.

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Life Coach

iwishicouldtellyou.com I wish I could tell you

Embrace the Power of the Unknown

Ready…Set (Theory)….Go – PART 1

Welcome to Self-Help Set Theory, the study of two or more sets in relation to each other.

Today, I will be introducing you to the simplest form of Set Theory, a subset within an infinite set.

The Rectangle above represents the infinite universe.
The Circle within the rectangle represents You in the infinite universe.

From these two sets, I propose the following:

The infinite universe, the rectangle, contains all that is.

You, the circle, are part of the infinite universe and lie within the rectangle.

Accepting this, I will go a step further and say:

The Infinite Universe is made up of two things, “the known” and “the unknown.”

You, the circle, represents the all that you currently know or “the known.”

What can we say about the known?

The known is known, the tried-and-true, the comfort zone, the been-there-done-that of life, the same-old-same-old and land of the ego. In other words, it’s your past. Nothing new or exciting here.

What can we say about the unknown?

The unknown is in the here and now, where new things happen, dreams are realized, opportunities seized and skills mastered. the unknown.

Knowing what you know now, where would you like to focus your life?

“The unknown,” you say? Good answer!

And, how do you do that?

Allow yourself to experience as many new things as possible. Think outside your circle. Dream bigger dreams. Question your limiting beliefs. Learn as many new things as possible each day and consider new and innovative ways of doing the things. Observe others that have succeeded where you wish to succeed and incorporate their strategies. Ask for help from positive and nurturing souls, and in turn, share what you have learned with those that seek your knowledge. And above all else, stay as present as possible in each and every moment.

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Life Coach

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