The Secret and Powerful Gift within the Insult or Critique

Recently, an artistic colleague of mine did something quite remarkable and courageous. He had an idea, developed a plan, executed it faithfully and invited the critics. I call this remarkable because rarely do our ideas get past the idea stage, and courageous, because he invited the critics.

I salute him for that. Unfortunately the critics did not.

No, the critics were not kind. The pen was mightier than the sword that day. A sword would have been swifter and less messy.

While it is a shame the critics were so ruthless, there is a powerful lesson to be learned here. That lesson is that there is a gift within each and every insult or critique. That gift is the gift of attention upon you.

When someone critiques you or insults you, from your performance to your hair style, they have just made, in that moment, their entire world about you. You have become their focus. You have become the center of their universe.

To better understand this, I have created “The Time-line of an Insult or Critique.”

1. Somehow you got their attention. (Often unknowingly and unsolicited)
2. You then held their attention.
3. They then decide to formulate a response in their mind about you.
4. They think and rethink about you, refining their response.
5. They often share their thoughts about you with others, further refining their response.
6. They see you and determine whether to actually respond or not.
7. They respond to you.
8. They wait for your reaction.

Knowing what you know now, could you possibly react differently the next time you are insulted by someone that has just made you the center of their universe?

When I’m insulted or criticized in a nonconstructive way, I often smile and reply. “Thank you for noticing.” And do you know what? Most of the time I mean it.

If you liked this blog you may also like Peace of Mind is Closer than You Think and Visually Sculpt the Life You Want.

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Life Coach

iwishicouldtellyou.com I wish I could tell you

What You Focus on Expands – PART 1

Expansion Theory via Travel Log

5:30 a.m. My cell phone alarm goes off. Despite the early hour, I awake feeling well rested.  (I’ve just spent the last two days living on the south rim of the Grand Canyon with my better-half Kristy and now we’re off to Sedona.)

5:45 a.m. I begin packing up the car under the starry night sky as Kristy checks us out of the Bright Angel Lodge.

6:00 a.m. The sun, eight minutes from rising, slowly brightens the morning sky. I do one last check to see if I’ve dropped anything while packing in the dark.

6:08 a.m. – Sunrise. The first rays of light break over the East Rim. We get into our car, look over our TripTik and begin the second leg of our journey.

6:15 a.m. Following the signs out of the canyon, I slowly turn left onto a one way road. Just then, Kristy yells, “Stop!”

Thinking I took a wrong turn, I stop the car and ask her, “What? What is it?”

With her eyes open as wide as I’ve ever seen them, she says “Look.”

I turn and look but don’t see anything.

“Right there.” She says, “See? a baby deer,” pointing just over the right corner of the car.

I look again and suddenly it appears, like magic, a baby deer standing on the side of the road. It literally appears before my eyes, like one of those three-dimensional objects that are hidden in abstract posters sold at novelty shops. One minute I couldn’t see it and the next minute I could. Maybe because I was too used to looking at road signs, but once I did, it was as clear as day. In that very moment I became acutely aware of what deer look like along the side of the road amongst the tall grass and trees at sunrise.

Kristy, now looking for its mother, taps me and whispers. “Look, there. The mother!”

Now knowing what to look for, I immediately see the mother patiently waiting for her baby to cross the road. Not seeing us as a threat, the baby deer dashes across the road and into a small clearing.

As it stops in the clearing, something even more amazing happens. Kristy and I begin to see deer after deer appear before us. And I do mean appear, as if from out of nowhere. They slowly materialize in front of us.

Now, I do realize that deer just don’t appear and that they must have been there all along, but I also believe that if it wasn’t for our close encounter and intimate connection with this little baby dear, we wouldn’t have had developed the ability to see or focus on the rest of the herd grazing amongst the tall grass and trees.

How did we develop the ability to see the rest of the herd? Through Expansion Theory.

As we focused on this little baby dear, our ability to see similar images increased (or expanded) which allowed us to see the mother and then finally, the herd.

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What will you focus on today?

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Life Coach

iwishicouldtellyou.com i wish i could tell you

Embrace the Power of the Unknown

Ready…Set (Theory)….Go – PART 1

Welcome to Self-Help Set Theory, the study of two or more sets in relation to each other.

Today, I will be introducing you to the simplest form of Set Theory, a subset within an infinite set.

The Rectangle above represents the infinite universe.
The Circle within the rectangle represents You in the infinite universe.

From these two sets, I propose the following:

The infinite universe, the rectangle, contains all that is.

You, the circle, are part of the infinite universe and lie within the rectangle.

Accepting this, I will go a step further and say:

The Infinite Universe is made up of two things, “the known” and “the unknown.”

You, the circle, represents the all that you currently know or “the known.”

What can we say about the known?

The known is known, the tried-and-true, the comfort zone, the been-there-done-that of life, the same-old-same-old and land of the ego. In other words, it’s your past. Nothing new or exciting here.

What can we say about the unknown?

The unknown is in the here and now, where new things happen, dreams are realized, opportunities seized and skills mastered. the unknown.

Knowing what you know now, where would you like to focus your life?

“The unknown,” you say? Good answer!

And, how do you do that?

Allow yourself to experience as many new things as possible. Think outside your circle. Dream bigger dreams. Question your limiting beliefs. Learn as many new things as possible each day and consider new and innovative ways of doing the things. Observe others that have succeeded where you wish to succeed and incorporate their strategies. Ask for help from positive and nurturing souls, and in turn, share what you have learned with those that seek your knowledge. And above all else, stay as present as possible in each and every moment.

Copyright 2007 Rob Gruber Life Coach

iwishicouldtellyou.com i wish i could tell you